TREASURE THE MOMENTS

In 2006 my father-in-law, William F. Mongan, who was affectionately called Bill, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  Despite his age, the family was devastated.  It came on the coat-tails of Bill losing his beloved wife, Fran, who he adored.  During her battle with ovarian cancer, Bill willingly took on the role of ministering angel to care for her.  He loved her so.  After nine short months Fran had lost her battle.  With a tear in their eyes, they said their good-byes.  Theirs was a love story.  The good-bye would not be for long.

We were later to learn that the entire time Bill was caring for Fran, he too had cancer. This time I would step in Bill’s shoes and become his ministering angel.  The shoes were way too big to fill!  Not being medical, I knew right away I was out of my league. Thankfully my husband, a physician, was able to give Bill the best care available.  My role was to serve Bill with a joyful heart and a positive attitude.  I soon recruited our son, Joshua, to help; I needed him!

One day I had an idea to brighten Bill’s last days and let him know how much his life meant to us, and all who knew him.  I asked our daughter Amanda to compose a letter that we sent to all of Bill’s relatives and friends. Here is a portion of the letter:

Sometimes a simple word of encouragement or short note describing a fond memory can make a person’s day.  So, we are compiling a “Memory Book” that we hope to fill with letters from family and friends.  These could be letters of appreciation, favorite memories, funny stories, or encouraging words.  You can include anything you feel led to tell him.  Just as the quote says, we always carry those we love in our hearts.  I know that my grandfather carries all of you with him, and he loves you all dearly.  I think it would be so meaningful for him to hear why you carry him in your hearts.  These letters would mean so much, and they will certainly bring love and happiness to him during these trying times.

Every day Bill would race me to the mail box to see if any letters arrived.  I knew I could beat him, since he was using his walker, but I always let him win. This little act of kindness grew a garden of joy in his heart.  It gave him something to look forward to. One letter in particular stands out.  We were all gathered around the dinner table as a family enjoying a home cooked meal. Bill said with a grin which stretched from ear to ear, “I got a letter today!” My husband remarked, “Oh yeah, dad, from who?”  Bill answered, “Tyler.”  Tyler is our oldest son of eight children and Bill’s first grandchild.  Pat said, “Where is the letter?”  “Under my pillow,” Bill replied. Can you just visualize this moment.  This moment is etched in memory for all time.  It taught me the importance of being remembered through the written word. The letter was so meaningful that he kept Tyler’s note close at hand; under his pillow. I put all these letters Bill received in a book. I brought out Bill’s Memory Book for him to read; sometimes daily. The memories brought tear to his eyes and healing to his soul.

As Bill’s health began to fail he would say in a weak voice, “Ellen, get my book and let’s read it together.”  I would always try to drop everything and spend the time caring and giving to my father-in-law. One day I was having my prayer time when Bill called from the other room, “Ellen!” I closed my bible and ran over to him with all the self-control that I could muster up.  “What do you need Bill?” I said in my best cheerleader voice.  His answer I will treasure forever. “Ellen, I don’t need anything. I just want to be with you.” He added,” Can we read my Memory Book again?”  I nodded as He gave me a fatherly embrace. I hugged him back.   It was on that day that I received my father-in-law’s blessing and he became my dad too.  Those words healed a hurt in my heart that I had never voiced.  I knew he understood how much I treasured being a part of the Mongan family.  Then Bill and I sat down together on the couch and read his “Memory Book” together.  His heart soared as he read the words of love written to him from those who care.  As we turned the last page of Bill’s book he said, “Let’s read it again, Ellen.” This was the last time Bill and I enjoyed this moment together.

When Bill died we placed the, “Memory Book” in a memory box for Bill, which the grandchildren adorned with colorful artwork. On special occasions we take out the “Memory Book” and look at it together as a family.  We remember Bill and we rejoice in a life well lived. We treasure the memories of times spent together with our dad, Bill.  I am grateful that we were the ones to have the privilege to give Bill the care he needed during his battle with lung cancer.  In return we received so much more than we gave.  It is the memories you gain along the way that keep your loved ones close at heart, even after you have said your final “good byes.”

Bill is dancing on the streets of gold, in his heavenly home, this day with his beloved wife Fran.  He still adores her.  Happy Father’s Day Bill.

ONE-LINERS

Words, count! Never underestimate how much words can affect your life.  They can set you in motion to fly towards your dreams, or hold you bound, never leaving the ground.  A sentence can set you in a new direction, or become your theme song for life.  Other words can crush your dreams and paralyze you from beginning anew.  How have words affected you?  Stop a moment and think about what words have formed your character and guided your path.  I began to make a list of the one-liners, which changed my life.  Some sentences, which were said just in passing, have become my companion for life!

Here is a one-liner story for you. It was my nephew’s graduation day and the ceremony was coming to an end. The vice-principle approached the microphone to address the audience, with a few words from her heart to pass on the graduates. She said,

“If there was a glass half filled with water, an optimist would see it as half full and a pessimist would see it as half empty, but a giver would see the glass, and look around to see who is thirsty.”

What a closing lesson and statement rolled into one. Who is thirsty? Those three little words ask a big question. The world is a very thirsty place. Many people need the refreshment brought by a kind deed, a wise word or even a shoulder to cry on.  They need to learn a new skill, or hear you share your story. Every life counts and every person is given something to teach the world. When you look around your corner of the world do you view it with pessimistic, optimistic or giving eyes?  Today pour yourself a glass of water and fill it to the brim. Then put on the glasses of compassion, go out into your world and see who is thirsty?  Who knows you may want to pour a second glass!

Little Pink Dress Ministry: DRESS YOUR PERSONALITY

Little Pink Dress Ministry: DRESS YOUR PERSONALITY: Reader, “You’ve got personality!” Never is your personality more evident than in the clothes you wear.  For instance if you are a sporty ga...

DRESS YOUR PERSONALITY

Reader, “You’ve got personality!” Never is your personality more evident than in the clothes you wear.  For instance if you are a sporty gal, you would rarely be seen wearing pearls at the neighborhood picnic. Yet if you are a classy lady, you probably would never venture out unless you had your heels on.  To me there is no right or wrong in fashion as long as it is modest and fits the occasion. Each of you is unique and has acquired your own style which you feel most comfortable in. As a people watcher with a fashion conscious eye, I have narrowed down women’s dressing style into five types.  Read the list, and then decide what fashion type describes you best.  Then after you have selected your style; go thru your closet and do some spring cleaning of your wardrobe.  Throw out what does not fit your body, your life style, or your new fashion taste. Then I have a suggestion for you, it is time to go on a shopping spree! Don’t forget to bring the girlfriend who has the most fashion sense.  Who is the least likely to just flatter; but rather speaks the truth in love. When you say how does this look on me? She answers truthfully. What are you waiting for Georgia – Carolina gals?  It’s time to find your spring wardrobe.

     Who are you?

Classy Lady

Sporty Gal

Mod Chick

Girly Girl

Beach Babe

 The Classy Lady prefers to buy clothes that are a little pricier, but rarely go out of style?  No matter what the occasion classy ladies are always in vogue.  She confidently put on last year’s little black dress and wears it with pride, knowing she made a wise purchase.  She always chooses basic colors and styles for that reason.  She knows how to accessorize in order to dress up, dress down, or just add color.  The Classy lady never minds the dry cleaning bill because she knows that quality items deserve quality care.  She never lets the words, “This old thing.” pass thru her lips when she receives a compliment about her outfit!  The Classy Lady knows the secret that, “Less is more,” in the area of her wardrobe and speech.

Sporty Gals are sharp, colorful and full of energy.  When making a clothing selection, quick and easy is her motto because she is always on the go.  She puts her wardrobe money into wash and wear, mostly active wear.  A dry clean only item is not found in her closet, and she doesn’t have an iron in her laundry room.  If you meet her in the mall or at a luncheon, she will be casually dressed in her tennis skirt and brand new athletic shoes.  The shoes are a name brand that you recognize, because shoes are the item where she will pay the price. To sporty gals, comfort outweighs style.  A chosen life of comfort is why sporty gals always sport a smile.

 

The Mod Squad has come on the scene and all heads are turning toward them.  These are the Chicks that make a fashion statement everywhere they go.  She is never afraid to be on the cutting edge of what is new; whether it is the cutting edge hairdo or a fashion fad.  She keeps the fashion industry alive, always looking for what is in vogue.  She wants to be the first kid on the block to purchase it.  She buys clothes often, but wear them a less amount of time.  She is always changing her wardrobe, but she never counts the cost.  Mod Chicks are wise enough to hang on to some outdated fashion items knowing that in the fashion industry, what goes around, comes around again in the Merry-Go-Round of Fashion. They coined the phrase retro; rewound it, redesigned it, and then renamed it “MOD” again!  This paragraph is for Mod Chicks only!

Girly Girls are decked out in lace dresses or fancy pants, and are never without high heels.  She is never heard complaining her feet hurt because that would not be lady like.  She is a prissy girls and proud of it. Her fashion choice has one criterion, “Do she feel like women when she wears it?  She likes dates that are paid for by her man.  She waits for doors to be opened   as she exits the car, or enters the building.  Her gentleness and poise exude to all they are in the presence of a lady. Her makeup is applied tastefully with perfection, every one of her hairs are in place, framing her pretty, feminine faces.  Her jewelry selection accents her outfit and of course, the purses match the shoes.  Girly girls select only those clothes that look best on them.  Her smile says, “I am a Women, so Color Me Beautiful,” and when she arrive on the scene, all agree!

The Beach Babe is easier to spot than any of the other four styles because she looks like she is always dressed for the beach, and never without her flip flops.  She has more bathing suits than shoes.  She always carries her beach bag in her car; just in case the waves are calling her to come, walk by their side.  Her closet is full of sundresses, sunglasses, sunhats and sandals.  She lives on vacation, where she has learned to enjoy the moment,   as well as the view.  If by chance an invitation finds its way to her mailbox that reads: Dress is Formal Attire, she usually declines the invite.  The Beach Babes’ make-up is scarce, her hairdo wash and wear, and her wardrobe low on her priority list.  She is definitely a low maintenance wife living a low maintenance life.  As long as the Beach Babe can catch a wave each day and a little bit of sun, she is good to go.

 Now maybe you have read this entire article and are still asking yourself the question, “Who am I? I do not know what to do?”  Whatever you do, do not shout out the words, “Fashion Emergency!” 

Because I have a surprise for you, I have saved the best category until last, the DIVA DAME.

There is nothing like a Diva Dame.  If you are a Diva Dame, be glad because you probably are all these styles rolled into one.  Anything goes.  You are the woman who feels at home in any style, depending on your mood.  One day you may choose to be a girly girl in a lace sundress and accessorizing with your new set of pearls and silver high heels. Then the next day you throw on your gym clothes and put your hair in a ponytail and off to the gym you jog.  As a Diva Dame you wear what you like and never ask others advice.  You are confident to be you.  You have learned to dress your personality.

Ladies, “You’ve got Personality!” Let it shine for all to see. “Be yourself; be the “Best you can be!”   Everyone else is taken. Then walk with confidence, knowing that you are a unique and wonderful woman who sports her own style.  Don’t forget to wear the smile that says to the world, “I am ready to face, whatever life happens today.  The way I think, “No matter what my day holds, at least I look cute!” Dress your personality; and always accessorize with virtue. 

OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART

In the book of Acts we read, “Even through the doors be closed, Jesus came through the doors.” Every time this scripture is read hope leaps up into the depth of my soul. It is the hope of awaiting a promise that we know that God is going to fulfill. It is the presence of the fruit of hope that Elizabeth felt as she greeted her cousin Mary at the Visitation. The hope which was named by an angel, John leaped in the womb of Elizabeth. Life was present and Elizabeth knew it, despite the fact she had never been pregnant before, she felt it.  Gods’ promises always bring us hope and life. Our Heavenly Father always keeps His promises. He is faithful and true.

How open is our heart to believe God’s promises written in His Word of God?  Mary was open at the Annunciation to receive God’s promises. The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary and she conceived of the Holy Ghost. The promise was fulfilled.  Then the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Elizabeth was opened to receive the promise, even though she was past child rearing years, her aged womb was young enough to carry her baby boy and feel a leap. Their hearts were open and God poured in life. God opened the eyes of their hearts to receive Him.

What is if the doors of your heart are closed? What if the doors of your children’s hearts are closed? What if the doors of your husband’s heart are closed? Re -read in the book of Acts the story of Pentecost, “Even though the doors be closed, Jesus came through the doors.” Jesus has a way of walking through the doors of even the most locked up heart. His love tenders. Jesus died for those who receive Him into their hearts and those who refuse to. There is always hope.

Thomas the disciple, who we affectionately call, doubting Thomas, needed proof? Did Jesus reject Him? No! Did Jesus correct Him? No! What did Jesus do? He opened the eyes of Thomas’ heart to show him just how much He loved Him. I can just picture Jesus going right up to Thomas and putting out His hands toward him. I can just picture in my mind’s eye Thomas, with a smile a upon his face,  a mile wide. The kind of smile that we sport when we greet an old friend.  

 I imagine,Thomas automatically extending His hand ready to shake with his dear friend. Then giving an affectionate hug that said, to Jesus, "Buddy I sure missed you," without Thomas saying a word. Jesus could read between the lines and He could see Thomas heart. Jesus, the all-knowing God could hear Thomas saying in the silence of his heart, " Man, I thought you were dead." He knew Thomas well. Thomas knew Jesus well. His friend, Jesus who he had walked with, who he had talked with and who he had shared life with.  Jesus, the one who had been crucified. Jesus, his friend who had died. Jesus was now standing right before Him. Seconds before this encounter not only were the doors of the upper room closed, but also the doors of Thomas heart.  In an instant, the eyes of his heart were opened miraculously.  In the time it took for the hands of two friends to join together in a manly grip, hope was restored. Thomas was changed forever.  I can just picture Thomas leaping thru the room shouting, “He lives! He lives forevermore!”  Thomas the Doubter had become Thomas the Declare of Good News. 

Thomas saw with his own eyes and proclaimed with his own mouth. Miracles happen when you put your hand in the nail scared hands of your friend Jesus. The greatest miracles happen in the heart.  The eyes of your heart become unveiled as you see clearly how much Jesus loves you. Not in just words but in actions.  No greater love has no man than to lay down His life for a friend. Jesus death on the cross brought life to this world.  Joy abounds to those who know Jesus as Savior and as friend.

 I am a friend of God. How about you? The more we open the doors of our hearts to Him the more He can fill us with His love. God loves us all best. God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Remember where there is life there is hope. God says it He will surely do it. Pray that the eyes of your heart will be opened so you too can declare the Good News. Declare the Good News boldly, like the Blessed Mother, Elizabeth and Thomas. “He lives. He lives forevermore."God’s promises will have us leaping for all eternity.  

Let us pray:

"Come Holy Spirit, Fill the hearts of your faithful and in kindle them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created and Thou shall renew the face of the earth.  Amen"

Happy Pentecost!!

IN MY MOM'S HIGH HEELS

 “Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all!” The truth is that somewhere between birth and middle age, I became my mother. If someone had said, when in my teens, “You’re just like your mother,” I would have debated them and won.  Now, I just smile. Maybe you have become your mother too!

“You cannot have too many shoes or too many friends.”  Even though I love both shoes and friends, I do not put equal value on both. Shoes come and go, but true friends are a treasure that you can enjoy for a lifetime. So what do shoes and friends have to do with Mother’s Day?

Do you remember when you were a little girl, playing dress-up in your mommy’s closet?  You found her favorite pair of high heels, and you just had to try them on. In your mind you thought they fit just fine. You felt so grown up, as you wobbled around your mom’s room. You felt like a lady.  As you glanced down at the heel, you realized you had a ways to grow to fit into your mommy’s shoes. You feared that maybe they would never fit. Years have passed and maybe your mom passed that pair of high heels down to you. As you put them on, they fit just fine. You feel like a lady every time you put them on. As you walk around your room, you smile remembering being that little girl in her mommy’s high heels. You are so glad when your toddler daughter picks the same pair of heels to wear, when she goes in your closet and wants to play dress up.  She too thinks they fit just fine!  As she wobbles around your room, she feels all grown up, just like a lady.  As she looks down at the heel she also realizes they are a might too big. She gazes into your eyes and asks, “Mommy will these pretty shoes ever fit me?” You smile and answer, “You have a ways to go darling, but one day those shoes are going to fit just fine.”  You know these words are true because that is what your mom told you. Moms have a way of instilling high hopes in their daughter’s hearts. You add with a smile, “One day those high heel shoes are going to be yours.” She smiles.

 As you walk down the road of motherhood and maturity, you pass on to your daughter more than a pretty pair of shoes. You pass down your beliefs, fashion tips, recipes, character traits, wisdom and most importantly, your love. It is a motherhood rite of passage that is proudly handed down to daughters, generation after generation. Moms know that some things will be accepted and some rejected, but moms pass it down anyways. Part of being an adult is carving out your own way of doing things.  Part of being a mother is teaching your child to fly, then let go and watch them soar like an eagle. Another part is becoming your grown-up daughter’s friend, yet never forgetting you are a mom forever.

Your first home on this earth was in the body of your mother, right under her heart. While hidden inside her, you began to get to get to know each other. You were dependent on her for your life. Then D-Day comes:  “Delivery Day.”  The adventure of a lifetime begins. You are birthed and mom is full of joy. Her mother’s heart began to grow when you were placed in her arms and she never wanted to let go.  Daily you grew and learned. You smiled, mommy rejoiced!  You cooed, mommy applauded!  The miracle of life was unfolding before her eyes.

Then one day you become a toddler.  You now have your own ideas; lots of ideas!  You figure it is time to take over.  The journey toward independence has begun. You say in your best toddler voice, “I’m the Mom!”  You secretly find ways to be in charge and give mom the pink slip. You practice the words, “You’re fired!”

You grow from toddler-hood to elementary school, and then to middle school. You have learned to listen, respect and obey your mom. Time flies and you enter high school. Finally as an “adult,” you are convinced you know more than your mom. Your teen vision begins to reveal your mom’s faults, all of them.  Once you thought she was perfect, now she is on top of the list of irritating people. You scrutinize everything she does, the words she uses, the decisions she makes, and even the clothes she wears. Sometimes you are even embarrassed to be seen with her.  Time goes by and your ledger is overflowing. You have observed, analyzed, and come to the conclusion that you will never do things like your mother did. You will definitely do a much better job. You tell yourself, “I will be the perfect mother, with the perfect children, the perfect husband, and be a perfect housekeeper!”

One day, you fall in love with the man of your dreams. You get married and out of your love for each other you conceive a baby girl, the perfect child.  After a few months on the mommy job, pride fills your heart. You say to yourself, “I know I will be the mother of the year!”  You secretly believed it was true, but as time passes you get a reality check. You see life happens, like colic, sleepless nights, spit-up on your new silk blouse, and you say thru a yawn, “How did mom do it?” You have grown in wisdom and character. You call your mom, thanking her profusely.  On Mother’s Day you buy the card that puts into words the appreciation that now lives in your heart. You have come to see all the sacrifices your mom made for you. You throw away the ledger and your judgmental attitude, and replace it with a journal of your favorite memories of growing up.  You take pictures of mom often and develop an attitude of acceptance and love, realizing you have “Very big shoes to fill!”  You decide you want to be just like your mother one day.  The high heels fit just fine!

Have you thanked your mom lately, daughters?  Not only for giving your life, but also for the life lessons she taught?  It takes a lot of growing up to fit into your mom’s high heels. Once they fit you can wear them with a smile that says, “I love you mom!” One day you will have the same joy of watching your baby girl walk in your high heels. Once her shoes fit she will wear them with pride and a smile on her face that says, “I love you mom!” One day she will pass those same high heels on down to a daughter of her own. She, like all mothers before her, will wait patiently until those shoes fit her just fine!

MY UNSTOPPABLE MOM--ELEANOR

Do you remember playing dress up as a little girl, and trying on your mommy’s high heel.  Asking, “Will these pretty shoes ever fit me mamma?” Without hesitation your mom replied, “One day those high heels will fit just find.” Moms have a way of instilling high hopes into their daughter’s hearts.  They pass down to their daughters more than just a pair of pretty high heels. They pass their beliefs, fashion tips, recipes, character traits, wisdom and most importantly their love.  Part of being a mom is teaching your child to fly then to let go, watch them soar like an eagle.  Another part is becoming their best friend, while still being a mom. Mom did just that.

Her name is Eleanor. “Unstoppable,” is her middle name. She is my mother. Let me tell you a little about this fine lady. At almost eighty nine years old, she lives her life fully alive; nothing stops her.  Last year alone she has faced bladder cancer, carotid artery blockage, high blood pressure and a broken shoulder.  When a physician error caused her to have major surgery on her bladder surgery facing weeks in the hospital, she was forgiving. When her weekend get away with the girlfriends ended in a freak accident resulting in shattering her shoulder, she persevered.  She reluctantly agreed not to walk up stairs in her high heel again or at least around her friends.  She embraced PT miraculously regained use of her arm even thought she had never done a work out in her life. After all, that arm was needed to hold her bridge cards. My mom is no stranger to suffering.  She willing moved every year to appease my dad’s career decisions, single handedly packing up the home, the children and her life and moving on with excitement in new beginnings. She courageously accepted a pregnancy at age forty four just when she was seeing the light at the end of the carpool lane. When retirement took her out of her comfort zone from the Midwest to the Deep South she re-invented self, becoming an entrepreneur.  She went from changing diapers and washing dishes to changing lives. She became a statement of how you can do and be whatever you want to be, if you put your mind to it. With a mother’s heart she chooses a second career where she would still be available to her youngest child.  As my dad slowed down with frequent health problem mom found a new skip in step. She bought Wisteria Manor in Aiken South Carolina and became both a caterer and a legion. She tells everyone with a personal pride in her voice, “I worked until I was eight years old. “  Now as a widow she is more alive than ever; nick named the Merry Widow.

Mom is an old fashion gal with a modern voice and not afraid to speak her mind.  She is a voice of wisdom to those who will listen, my daily laugh on our morning phone calls, and an example to follow for those who suffer.  I applaud mom an unstoppable woman of valor who looks obstacles straight in the eye and never runs away. Those who know her want her to be their mom too. Some want her to write a book on how to grow old gracefully, while others just admire her spunk.  Perhaps it is because she is witty and wise, or because she is still quite the style setter, high heels and all, or because she is willing to sacrifice at her own expense even if it is with a tear in her eye. Maybe it is because at almost eighty eight years old she still has what it takes to be not only Unstoppable mom but an Unstoppable woman.  She with strong drive and big heart has touched lives she will never be aware of.   She can still run to your aid in those high heels if you need her, because nothing is stopping her for being there for someone she loves. My mom, Eleanor deserves the title of the Unstoppable Mom. Don’t you agree!!